Week two and three

I finally have email!! Yeah! Love to hear from you again. It keeps me sane to know life is happening without me! I love your updates and they truly are a gift. Thanks friends for all the encouraging words, for the phone calls, and for all the prayers. We still haven't heard anything and hoping to next week.


My dad came on Sunday night to join us. It is was so nice to have someone to tag team with. It is hard when one of the kiddos decides to collapse and have a meltdown while you are eating and needs to go back to the room. Generally, all the staff are super supportive and friendly and want to help. I have had people carry items, bring my food to the room, The guards send hours playing soccer and blowing bubbles with the kids. Every Ethiopian I have met adores kids, so every interaction is so sweet and enduring. My kids are not going to know what to do when most Americans won't stop and give them a kiss or pick them up and squeeze them. They truly are so loved here.

My dad and I thought we'd be a little adventurous and head out of town. The suggestion we were following was to head to Woliso, about an hour and a half drive away. So we arranged the hotel and the driver and we set out to send a night or two in a different part of Ethiopia and to experience more rural Africa. I was so excited. I really enjoy the people of Addis, but really have a hard time living among all the population, trash, and smoke. So heading to the countryside sounded like bliss. After about two hours into our drive, we started to feel a little antsy about why we hadn't arrived at our destination. When we asked our driver, Ben, he told us we were about half way there.
Us: What??
Ben:Yeah Awassa is another 2 hours to go.
Us: What? Awassa?
Ben: Yeah don't you want to go to Awassa?
Us: No, Woliso!

So there we were heading to Awassa. He assured us we were going to love Awassa. So we trusted him and continued on our way. It was truly beautiful. On the drive we saw grass huts, carts pulled by donkeys, children playing on the side of the road, mom's carrying their babies on their backs, monkeys in the middle of the street, and any kind of animal on the side of the road or right in the middle. We nearly crashed a thousand times due to those crazy cows! The drive was so very interesting. Of course, Geb threw up on the way going and coming back. Chalk that up as another Wilcox throw up story(Kandus, I know you are chuckling). G has a car sickness problem! I, however, was throw up ready with a bag and wipes in hand!

Awassa it's self was beautiful. It is situated around a lake and the resort we stayed at, Haille Resort, was right on the lake. They had a playground, a swimming pool, and the first real beef burger I have had since I have been here. Most of their burgers are minced meat so a real beef burger is a pleasant treat. We bought some really attractive swimsuits from the gift shop and we took the kids swimming for the first time! We also rode a boat to see real live Hippos! To sum it all up, we weren't really roughing it in Africa, but the break from Addis was especially refreshing and needed.

My dad headed out on Saturday night. My time with my dad was so sweet. Geb really connected with him and M started to towards the end. It is so comforting to see my kids bond with the adults in their life. I was again worried about the loss G would feel when Grandpa left, but again he seems to know he will see him soon. He will occasionally cry after he talks to his dad on the phone, but it doesn't last long. I sit and cry with him, because oh I feel his pain!

It was my first week without some one to help me. The good news was there still was Lisa and her kids and another couple we traveled with for court coming to pick up their daughter. So I didn't feel completely alone. So week 3, went by fast and smoothly! We spent hours with Philemon and his girlfriend (I just don't know how to spell her name). They are such an answer to prayer! They fed us, gave me the best cup of coffee ever, took us to the zoo, gave me a cell phone, helped me get my internet from a local Internet cafe, and they always love on the kids. When we need a little break from our room, we head down the block and hang with them. Philemon some how makes M smile when she is in her bad moods. I believe he is the reason my kids are doing so well. G receives some manly love and M has some to understand her language and make her smile. I am crying as I write this and thinking about the gift they have given our family.

My days are generally quite simple and easy. We wake up, eat breakfast, play outside or in our room, eat lunch, take a nap, wake up, watch a video, head down to Philemon's, come home, eat dinner, take a bath, read books, and good night. Not that tough. My kids are not Americanized yet, so a balloon can be hours worth of fun. I am so amazed how they can play with one item for a long period of time. The Fanning Family before they left gave me a bag of chalkboards, chalk, and sponges. We spent an entire hour writing on them, cleaning them off, and doing it again. I love it!

The hardest part is not knowing when I am going home. I would just do so better if I wasn't always wanting for the next email from Embassy. The "there is still no news" statement is getting old. I can endure if I know for how long. So pray we will have an answer even it is the one I don't really want to hear. Tonight (Friday) I am struggling! I am needing an answer and the fact that all the Americans I know in Ethiopia just boarded an airplane to go home, I haven't had Internet access for three day, and I have to wait until Monday at the earliest to receive an email has put me into a perplexed, irritated mood. It is so hard when I can't just pick up the phone and call my hubby to tell him how I am feeling. I have to wait for him to call me and this is excruciating. I am so thankful for a call from my sister, Zach and my mom, and my dad. My mom has planned a birthday celebration for Zach's 4th birthday. I am so thankful since this will be the first birthday I will miss. Looking big picture, this isn't really a big deal, but right now I am grieved to not be there for him. I know we can celebrate when we come home and we will.

I can't wait for all of you to meet G and M. They are both awesome kids. Yes they have their moments, but for the most part they are fun, entertaining, and lovable. I am so thankful for this time I have with them to really bond and learn all about their personalities. I say to Geb that he is ready to have three brothers. He loves terrifying his sister, playing soccer, rough housing, and just being a boy. He will fit right in. We have spent hours on learning his letters, numbers, and colors. He is so interested in learning and is picking up English fast. We have a way of communicating without speaking. He is still translating for M.

M is still moody. I have learned to just hold her and I am learning some tricks to snap her out of her bad moods. I make sure in the morning to take time to rub lotion all over her body. This is a huge sensory input for her and helps her tremendously. Without lotion, horrible breakfast! She, however, is having less break downs and when she does they are much shorter. She is challenging me less on the language and slowing starting to use English. Language is our biggest obstacle and I don't think it will improve until we leave Ethiopia. She loves to comb my hair and rub lotion all over me. This is part of our bed time routine. Super cute and girly!

Anyways, I head into a week completely by myself. They are no adoptive families coming for a while and all the others have left. I have contacted a few people here. I am visiting Bring Love In on Monday to see the work they are doing. They have created a foster care program here. Super excited about this. I am also hoping to make it to a park. Getting around places here is very difficult. You have to wait for a driver to take you, pay a ridiculous amount of money, take another half hour to get there, get dropped off and if your lucky be picked up after 2 hours. I am afraid to leave the hotel for too long incase the kids are hunger or have a melt down. So I generally try to stay close and save the money.

Week one in Ethiopia

Dear friends,

Okay this is a long email, but it has been so refreshing and a bit therapeutic to write it all down. I am sharing since many of you might be wondering what is happening. Thanks ahead of time for reading this and sharing in our lives.

Here is a review of our first week in Ethiopia. We had many wonderful firsts with our children. They loved their new clothes, their new toys, and enjoyed new foods. Maleka saw her self in a mirror for the first time and giggled hysterically for a few minutes. Maleka and Geb had their first bath time together and throughly enjoyed every moment. It has truly been a blessing to experience so many firsts with them.

We have also experienced many bonding moments together. G took to Dave from day one. M took to me. We slept in the same bed together, cuddled at night and read many books together. M has had many breakdowns, crying for 30 minutes to 1 hour at times. Most of her breakdowns were over her not using her words and me saying no to her. There are some cultural gestures that are driving me nuts. They shrug their shoulders for "no" or I don't care, nod their heads for "yes" and make a low humming noise (especially G) when they don't get their way. They have learned to sulk for a while when I refuse them their request. I however am learning not to fight these battles too much and to take the head nob as a yes and a shoulder shrug as a no. In my American opinion it seems so rude, but it is just their way of communicating. So for right now, I am just modeling saying yes or no for them and sometimes having them repeat it after me.

In the last few days, M has really learned to trust me. She is no longer having breakdowns. It seems my setting boundaries and being really clear with my boundaries has really helped her to trust me. She, for the most part, is a complete delight all day. Unfamiliar circumstances causes her to be clingy, but overall she is so snuggly and amazing.

G and I had an ugly encounter yesterday. He hit M and then ran away when I tried to talk with him about the problem. Since he kept trying to run away, I had to restrain him for about 30 minutes before he would calm down and listen to me. He eventually did and I had a waitress translate why I was upset with him and what he needs to do next time. Although it was ugly for a few moments, it ended up being a beautiful teaching moment. Since Dave left, he hasn't wanted much to do with me. He will let me help him, but he wouldn't read a book with me and sit on my lap. After the incident, he wanted me to read a book with him, which we did for a long time and it was the first time since Dave left that he hadn't cried himself to sleep. Again, the whole setting boundaries thing became a way for him to trust me and bond with me.

Ethiopia has been such an amazing and frustrating experience. I love the people. They have so little on their plate and are so free to be with you and to help you. I love this. There is room to love and serve. My days are pretty much void of choirs and responsibilities. I am free to just be with my kids. I love this too. My day is pretty much about loving on them and enjoying them. However, everything is so slow. Internet is slow, food service is slow, people are always late, etc. I really am okay with being on Ethiopia time except when I have kids on kid time. I assumed they would be use to Ethiopia time, but when they are hungry they want food right now, when they want to leave they want to leave right now, etc. This has been the hardest obstacle for me and taking much planning ahead.

The one major lesson I am learning is to just be. To be here fully in the moment and to really enjoy this time with my kids. I want to thrive, not just survive this season. So I am trying to put away my anxiousness to be home and to close this chapter in our book, and to just keep this chapter alive and be in it for the good and the bad. I haven't really been homesick until my dad arrived. I am missing Zach so much it hurts. I miss my other kids too, but Zach is still so little and I am so afraid I am wounding him by not being there. Mommy's guilt! Again I am learning to trust God with Zach's heart and praying over his protection while I am gone.

I was able to go to church with, Dr. Samson, a friend of a friend. He was so gracious to pick me and the kids up and take us to a local English speaking church, Beza International Church. G is often car sick and threw up all over his car. He was so gracious and it didn't bother him a bit that his back seat had throw up and over it. Again he is so free to love and serve. It was refreshing to sing worship songs even with two kids squirming in my lap the whole time. The sermon was about thriving and trusting God in the midst of a storm, very applicable message for me to have heard!

We should find out this week when I am coming home. We are currently waiting for our paperwork to make it to the Embassy in Nairobi. When they receive it they will tell us we are cleared or to collect more evidence for our case. Our agency has already had the birth mom interviewed by a psychologist and we are submitting that with our paperwork. We are praying we can be cleared this week and return home by the end of this week or early next week.

I am overwhelmed constantly with how many people are praying for us and caring for us during this time. I need and feel your prayers, so keep them coming. I would also love an update about how you are doing. It would help me feel connected to all of you who are so far away. Please send me an email about what is going on in your life!! It would truly bless me.

P.S. Internet is very unreliable so if I don't respond right away know that I am not ignoring you.

A photo journey of our trip.

I figure pictures tell more than what I can write.  So here is our trip in photos.  Enjoy!

Our car packed and ready to go.  

Gebremedhin, what a handsome boy!

Caleb and Geb had a great time playing soccer, building legos and just being together.

Nazareth loved taking the wet wipes out of my bag and wiping her face.  It was a sensory indulgence for her.

Nazareth with her mom and her uncle.

This is Geb with his mother.  She came to the Care Center to meet us.

Our family with Geb's mom.  We took these pictures, printed them off a small portable printer and gave her a small photo album with these pictures.   

This is a traditional Ethiopian meal at Yod Asyssinia.  It comes on a plate of injera bread.  You take a piece of bread and dip it into the different mixtures of sauces and concoctions.  We were in Ethiopia during their lent season. Most Ethiopians fast from eating meat during this time. 

This is a traditional coffee served with popcorn. Caleb and Katie's favorite part of the meal.

Traditional Dancing.

Musicians.

Our only picture with Reed, our pastor.  They come to your table and wash your hands for you (since you eat with your hands).

Geb eating lunch.

Nazareth loved Katie's necklace.

Katie had her hair braided!

Love that girl!  So snuggly.

Nazareth, our sweet girl!

The first church in Ethiopia on Entoto Mountain. 

A huge grasshopper.

Katie and the grasshopper.

We visited the Alert Hospital, which is a Leprosy rehab facility.  People recovering or living with the effects of Leprosy make items to sell to help raise funds for the hospital.  The work is also used for some as physical therapy to regain muscles in there limbs.  This man is making weaving a blanket.

This man is weaving a mat.

These ladies are embroidering the blankets that are weaved with a design.   

A spindle wheel.

My sweet, sweet girls.

The view from outside our hotel.

Construction underway!  They use Eucalyptus trees for the scaffolding. 

In front of our hotel.  This was is the morning so little traffic.

In front of our hotel.

Beside our hotel.  Notice the neighborhood in the background.  The houses were mainly constructed out of metal corrugated metal.  My son said, "Whoever makes all that metal must be a millionaire."  It really the main source of materials use for houses.

Geb with the poster and photo book we gave him.  He lost his first tooth.  

Potty time.

A doll we gave her.  It was the blackest doll we could find.  Not very black at all next to her.  We are working on finding dolls for her.

A church we visited.  Said to contain the Ark of the Covenant.  Shh, don't tell anyone.  No one has been looking for that for a thousand years or more.  

Art inside the church.  In Ethiopia art, the evil people have one eye and the good people have two.  This is a photo of the first martyrs.  

Jump roping.

Our Family.

The room our daughter sleeps in.  She sleeps in the bottom bunk on the left.

Our travel group.  Amazing people.

The boy's room.

The nursery.

The courtyard.

All the laundry washed by hand.  

The waiting . . .

We have been home for 4 weeks now.  I can't believe how fast and how slow time can go.  We have been officially submitted to the US Embassy and now we wait.  We wait for people to work on behalf of our case to arrange birth parent meetings.  The waiting has been easier and harder then I expected.  I expected to be sitting around wondering what each day is like for my children, but by the time I wake up they are going to bed so during the day I pray for sweet dreams and when I am going to bed I know they are just waking up so I am asleep while they are playing, eating, showering and whatever else their day holds.  It is also a little of out-of-site out-of-mind.  When we do receive pictures of our kids, this is when time seems to stop and slap me on the face and say, " Why the heck are you not with your kids? This whole thing seems so wrong."  In the last set of photos, Nazareth's head was shaved.  I immediately started to cry upon seeing her.  I am her mom, I should know and approve this, right?  It just seems plain wrong for me not to know what decisions they are making on her behalf.  I do believe the staff did it for health reasons and I am grateful for their care.  It is just the mother instinct in me wanting to be apart of her life.

I am thankful I have four kids and a household of projects to keep me busy.  We are rearranging furniture and rooms to make room for the kids.  I am also prepping for the next year of homeschooling.  So I am thankfully busy with preparation.  Let the waiting continue . . . . .

Summary of trip

Well we made it home on Wednesday and after several days we are starting to feel normal again.  In summary our trip was hard, fun, exciting, interesting, emotional, and very educational.  We were able to meet both birth moms of our children and learn about their pasts and their hopes for their children.  This was the hard part.  Meeting the person who brought them into this world and who had to give them up for a hope of a better life.  I am still processing all this and even grieving for these moms and my children.  

Everyday we spent several hours at the Care Center, where our children are currently living, to connect and bond with them.  We certainly bonded with them and learned about their personalities and some of their challenges.  Gebremedhin is extremely fun, intelligent, handsome, and has quite a sense of humor.  He is also a hoarder.  He hoarded every toy we brought out and hid it in his bed.  He definitely wants to own his own items.  I can't really blame him.  G really understood we were his family.  When the van would roll in to pick us up, he would go sit in the van like he was going with us.  Through a translator, he would say, "I am ready to go with my family now."  

Nazarite is tiny and snuggly.  She loves being held, sang to, and tickled.  She is also very intelligent. We can't wait to bring her home and beef her up a little and heal the sores and bald spots on her head.  She cried most of the days we had to say goodbye to her.  She understood we were more than just people stopping by for a few days.  

Leaving Ethiopia was excruciating!  It still is.  When I was in Ethiopia I felt part of me was missing since Zach and Matthew were at home.  Now that I am at home I feel half of me is still in Ethiopia.  I am struggling with having my kids live in an orphanage for 2-3 months as we wait for the US Embassy to clear us.  This is the hardest part.  I am constantly trying to figure out a way to send me back to Ethiopia to rescue my kids from their current situation.  I am trusting, however, that if God wants me back there, he will provide the way.  Please pray that circumstances will arise for me to find my way back there soon to live with my kids as we wait for Embassy.  

We had many fun and interesting experiences.  Driving in Addis Ababa was quite the experience.  There is no traffic control, stop lights, or lines on the streets.  When they come to a intersection they all take they turns passing through and a inch slowly through four lanes of traffic. Katie had her hair braided by a couple  who run their business out of a tiny pink shack.  We just happened upon their business as we were looking for a place to have her hair braided.  The couple who runs the business live, eat and work in a 4'x4' foot corrugated iron hut that costs $850 birr a month to rent, about $43 USD.  They can't afford a place to work and live.  We enjoyed meeting them and we were their first American customers!  

We enjoyed a ethnic meal with music and dancing. We enjoyed the coffee. We enjoyed our drivers and learning about Ethiopia from them.  We enjoyed a day with Reed, our pastor. We also enjoyed spending time with the children at the Care Center.  There are several children, besides our own that we connected with.  The children would smother us when we sat down.  They need people to hold them, tickle them and play with them.  Since we are connected on Facebook with many of the families that are adopting these children, it was a privilege to love on their children and send photos home.  

Thanks again for all your prayers and encouraging words.  They were felt and definitely needed.  Please pray for patience and a speedy process through Embassy.  Love you all.

Ethiopia--Round One

On the night of our story night we collected $4000 for our adoption expenses.  Since that night we have received over $20,000 in total donations!!!  That is enough money to pay for our agency bill and for most of our first trip to Ethiopia.  We are praising God and giving thanks for all of you who have given to make this happen.  We are blessed!  With donations, we are also delivering six bags of essential goodies to the Care Center!

This last month has been a whirlwind for our family.  Two weeks ago Dave's father passed away.  He was declining in health for some time and we knew the end was near for him, but it was still a shock as we were hoping he would meet our children from Ethiopia.  Last week we spent the week in Colorado to attend the funeral and time with family.  My mother-in-law, with help from my mom, has graciously offered to fly out to CA to care for Matthew and Zachary while we are gone.  

On Monday, February 20th we will leave to head to Ethiopia with Caleb and Katie.  We are ecstatic to finally meet our children for the first time and spend precious hours bonding with them.  Our flight leaves at 4 pm on Monday, we land in Dubai about 11pm for a seven hour lay over and then head onto Ethiopia in the morning. We will meet our children on Wednesday. We attend court on February 28th when we will officially adopt our children in Ethiopia.  Unfortunately, we will not be bringing our children home with us this time.  The US Embassy needs to clear them and issue them passports and visas before they can come to the US, it could take 2-3 months.  

Reed Jolley, our pastor, is currently in Ethiopia teaching professors at a Seminary in Mekele (area  our son is from).  We have the privilege of spending a day with him in Addis Ababa where he will be able to meet our children.  We are excited to have someone in our lives enjoy this sweet experience with us. 

Lastly, here are our prayer requests:

• Safe travels
• Precious bonding time with our children, particularly communication since N and G will each speak a different language and of course we speak English!
• We pass court without a hitch
• No one becomes ill while in Ethiopia
• I (Tracy) have had back pain for 10 months.  I endure the pain with ice packs and walking.  I am extremely anxious that my back will worsen on the trip without the ability to care for it properly.  Pray that the back pain would subside and God would heal my back.
• Opportunities to share God's love with people in Ethiopia
• Sweet time with other families also adopting. We are all staying together in ET and will attend court together.
• Matthew and Zachary to not be anxious while we are gone. (Especially Zach) 
• my mother-in-law and mom who are taking care of M and Z

Our Referral: Finally

Dear Friends and Family,

We are so excited to announce that we finally received our referral today for our two children from Ethiopia.  Our son, G, is 4 years old. We believe he is probably older than 4. Our daughter, N, is 2 years and 9 months old.  Our children are not blood related, but they will soon be brother and sister.  There is a strong possibility for 5 kids in AYSO soccer next year. 

We have been asked many questions so I thought I'd do a FAQ's section to answer all of them.

How are you feeling?

Elated, overjoyed, anxious, and completely overwhelmed.  When we received the call, we cried the whole conversation and it felt surreal.  Wow, we were finally here, the day we have been dreaming about for years.  I was and am also torn with emotion, broken hearted, as our children are orphaned for a reason, they have lost their parents.  In both cases, the moms are alive, but have handed them over to the orphanage for reasons unknown.  This is the hard part of adoption and one that grieves my heart.  I know, though, that this is right and God ordained, even though is it painful and so hard to grasp.

Can you see a picture of them?

We do have pictures of them, but due to sensitivity of how they can be shared, they are not allowed to be posted on blogs or Facebook, we will only show them in person.

What's next?

Our agency will submit our paperwork to the Ethiopian government and we will be granted a court date. This could take about 3-6 months to happen.  We will go to Ethiopia for a week for the court date.  Then we will return home for about 2-6 weeks and then return for our embassy appointment. After that, the children will return home with us.

Are you okay with the ages and genders?

Yes, we are.  We have thought long and hard about the disrupting of the birth order of our family.  Zach will be squished in the middle of the two and we are at peace about this.  We knew that this was a huge possibility.  We have always felt that when the time came we would say "yes" to whatever God placed in front of us.  

How can you pray?

First, let's praise God for answering prayers and in the mean time teaching Dave and I how to be patient. This has been a refining six years of waiting and I am very thankful for what I have learned.

With that said, pray for more patience as the next six months will be hard to wait for our court date and embassy appointments as our children will be in the care center. 

 

Pray for our children who are in different orphanages and that they will have a smooth transition to the care center in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia's capital (run by our agency), where they will wait for the adoption to happen.

Pray that the remaining money we need to complete this adoption will be provided.

Pray our adoption will be completed by March.  That is when our homestudy will expire, which means more money, paperwork, and time. 

Pray for our children!  We are uncertain of medical, behavioral, and emotional difficulties.  Pray for their protection.

Pray that God would prepare our family for this next part of the journey. The hardest work will be when the children come home due to tough transitions and emotional damage the children might have endured. 

How did our kids respond?

They are sooo excited.  When the call came, we were all able to gather around the computer and look at the pictures of our children and listen to the details. They have been waiting a long time too.  Katie loves that she is going to have a sister.  Matthew remarked, "Wow, 4 boys!"

Are they related?

No.  N is in a orphanage in the west part of Ethiopia near the Sudan border, 17 hours away from the capital city. G is from an orphanage near the capitol.  In the pictures you can tell, that they look very different from each other. 

Are the kids healthy?

Yes as far as the reports show they are healthy.

Do they speak English?

No, they don't.  They will start learning English when they are transferred to the Care Center, which is the place where they will wait for the adoption. I have been told by many adoptive parents that they will pick up the language very fast when they come home. 

What will we do with our kids when we travel?  

We are hoping to have Caleb, Katie, and Matthew travel with us on the first trip. Matthew is really concerned about any shots he might have to get, but I think he will get through it and go with us!  We will travel alone on the second trip. 

How much money do we need to raise before we go?

We have covered most of our agency fees and will need to cover all our travel costs and a fee other embassy costs at this point.  It could be between $15,000-$20,000. 

What will their names be?

We are having a family discussion about this soon.  We believe that we need to give them new names. 

What size bus are we going to need?

A BIG one!

Will you still homeschool?

I love homeschooling and until it stops working we will keep doing it.  Katie and Caleb are starting to become more independent which makes it more feasible for me to continue.  

Thank you so much for partnering with us in this very long journey. We are so grateful for each of you and especially for your prayers.